Christmas Adam

[dedalus_1947]

And God said, Let us make man in our image,
after our likeness; and let man have dominion
over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air,
and over the cattle, and over all the earth,
and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.

So God created man in his own image;
in the image of God man was created.

And God blessed him, and said, Be fruitful, and multiply,
and replenish the earth, and subdue it;
and have dominion over the fish of the sea,
and the fowl of the air, and over every living thing
that moves upon the earth.

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground,
and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life;
and man became a living soul.

And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden;
and there he put the man whom he had formed.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that man should be alone;
I will make a helpmate for him.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam,
and he slept;
and he took one of his ribs, and then closed up the flesh.

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man,
he made into woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
(Genesis: 1:26-2:23)


“Tony, I discovered the strangest thing in Arizona”, Andrea said, as she directed Kathy and me to our seats at the family’s dining room table. “None of my friends at Arizona State University celebrate Christmas Adam, isn’t that strange?
“What do you mean”, I replied, surprised by the statement. “What did you say about Christmas Adam?”
“Well, I told them how we celebrate Christmas Adam with a special family dinner every December 23^rd, and they didn’t know what I was talking about. None of them had ever heard of it”.
“You know”, chimed in her twin sister, Kate, as she swooped down to place a basket of warm bread on the table, “none of my friends knew about Christmas Adam, either”.
I was a little confused by these statements. There was no hint of humor or irony in what these two college co-eds (going to different universities in Arizona) were telling me. They really didn’t know.
“Tell me again, what you said?” I asked, buying more time before replying.

As more of the family and guests began arranging themselves around the dinner table, it struck me that this might be the beginnings of a minor primal scene experience; a childhood myth exploding before their eyes. The situation required careful thought and delicate handling. I waited as Andrea, with a determined flip of her blonde hair, explained, “I told them it’s the day before Christmas Eve, December 23rd; a day for family and friends to get together for dinner and fellowship. I said the day was called Christmas Adam, because, as we know in Genesis, Adam comes before Eve”.

Andrea was absolutely correct. She had recited the definition as clearly and succinctly as I stated it 17 years before, when Kate and Andrea were 3 years old, and their brother Marshall was 5. Now what was I to do? I looked around the table. More people were joining us: the hosts, Kathy and Ken, his brother Tom and wife Sheila, our two children, Tony and Prisa, and the invited guests, two golfing friends of Ken. They were now curious about our conversation and listening intently. I had no recourse but the truth, even if I felt like a callous stepfather, telling his still-believing children that there was no Santa Claus.

“Andrea, Kate, I honestly never thought you’d continue believing the story about Christmas Adam. It is an apocryphal story. I was passing it on, the way it was told to me by my uncle and aunts, Charlie, Espie, and Liza (See Nacimiento Stories), when I was a child”. I further explained that in a child’s world, the coming of Christmas is filled with yearning emotions of anticipation and impatience. Christmas never arrived soon enough. Every day closer to the morning of December 25^th was important, and the most special day was Christmas Eve. However, my uncle and aunts believed that the day prior to Christmas Eve was equally important. This was the date for the completion of their nacimento, and the start of the family preparations for the Christmas Eve feast of tamales, enchiladas, pollo con mole, arroz, frijoles, and bunelos. Not only was this day filled with excitement, anticipation, and frenetic action, but they felt it deserved a name as well. So they invented one; Christmas Adam. They also created a viable cover story for the name, which I completely accepted. According to Charlie, Espie, and Liza, Genesis was the source for the terms, Adam and Eve, and their order of invention. Since God created Adam before Eve, it made sense (in a child’s world), to continue that ordered progression in other things. So, the eve to every day, had to have an adam before it. If the day before Christmas was called Christmas Eve, then, the day before Christmas Eve MUST BE called Christmas Adam! This seemed logical to me and my siblings. Charlie, Espie and Liza were older than we were, they were smarter, and they knew everything about Christmas (or at least told us they did). In my family, December 23^rd was always called Christmas Adam, and I passed the name and story to my own children, and then to Kathy and Ken’s.

“You mean, there is no Christmas Adam?” Andrea blinked in disbelief. “You made it up?”
“Wow”, said Kate, slumping into her backrest, “I totally convinced my friends that it was real”.
Before I could start feeling any remorse or guilt of my role in exposing this myth, Kathy and Ken intervened to save me.
“Ya know”, said Ken, as he settled back in his chair “it’s not every family that has its own holiday”. His voice adopted that casual, reassuring rhythm that hinted of humor, but communicated sincerity. With a Kevin Costner smile, Ken continued. “All families do SOMETHING on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but we wanted something special, on a day just for us”.
“Yes”, added Kathy, in energized, breathless tones of enthusiasm, “We wanted a day during the Christmas season that would include Kathy, Tony, and their kids. All of our relatives live back east, except for your Uncle Tom. We never have a chance to get grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins together for Christmas, so we wanted an occasion that could include Kathy and Tony’s family with our family here. They were always free on December 23^rd”.
“They were never a very popular couple, ya know”, quipped Ken, “and their 2 children were not invited into most homes”.
“Don’t mind your father, girls; he makes rude jokes when he’s on hiatus. The 23^rd was the start of a wonderful family tradition that we continue today; and Tony even had a special name for it”.
“I’ll have to give him that”, Ken added. “He didn’t pick some wimpy, spineless name. He picked the name of the first man on earth. Good job, Tony!”

Ken and Kathy did not have any relatives in California (until Tom moved west). They were high school sweethearts who were raised in Kennalon, New Jersey, attended the University of Georgia, married, and worked in New York before moving to Los Angeles (in 1976?). They lived in the Marina Del Rey section of Los Angeles, while Ken worked in the television and movie business, and Kathy as a corporate administrative assistant. Before the birth of their son Marshall, they bought a house in Tarzana, and moved into the San Fernando Valley. My wife, Kathy, made first contact when she met Ken while enrolling Marshall and our son, Tony, in the same preschool program. Their conversation (while smoking in the separate, designated area), revealed an intersection of similarities (Kathy was giving birth to twin girls, two months after Prisa was born) that would continue for 27 years. Both Kathys were working women who had chosen to stay at home to rear children; both valued parenting and the need to be integrally involved in the physical, intellectual, emotional, and social development of their children; both felt the urge to find and maintain a critical friend who shared common interests, values, and aspirations; and both would pursue full time careers in education when their children were in junior high school (Kathy finished her college coursework for a degree in English with a credential, and began teaching, and my wife resumed teaching, completing a graduate program in Administration that led to a principal position). It also helped that the husbands got along.

Nothing demonstrates friendship between men more than the test of time. Wives may maneuver husbands to meet, but it will never become a regular practice unless they get along. Guys don’t pretend very well. While some people could believe that Kathy and Kathy were related (cousins of some degree of separation) because of their similar appearance, tastes, likes, dislikes, and attitudes, no one would think that of Ken and me. But, ever since our first meeting in 1980, we continue to find connections, and always enjoy each others company, conversation, and insights. I ascribe this to the fact that Ken is funny, intelligent, and interesting. Most of all, Ken has the ability to LISTEN and contribute to conversations to insure that both parties learn something. Over the years we have talked and learned about a vast array subjects: sports (primarily if it related to our children), history, movies, television, books (fiction, and non-fiction, but mostly biographies, like Churchill’s and Douglas MacArthur’s), science, politics, economics and religion.

Ease and affinity would be the best words to typify our relationship with Kathy and Ken, and their children. They were the only non-related family we could ever vacation with. I remember spending a few days at the beach house of Kathy’s parents, in San Juan Capistrano, and a weekend at a mountain cabin in Big Bear. Confinement in one house with another set of parents and 3 extra children for an extended period of time is a true litmus test of compatibility, and they were the only family to pass. There was no friction or disharmony when we were together. Arguments and disagreements might occur, but they were always resolved by a little attention and a willingness to settle the issue. Our children, especially the girls, were a near perfect fit, and their language, actions, and manners were courteous, friendly, and agreeable. I suppose they mirrored the behaviors of their parents, who were consistently positive and upbeat, respectful, and loving. Consideration of others was a paramount component. Ken, Kathy, Kathy, and I, had discussed our philosophy of parenthood on so many occasions over the years, and witnessed each others parenting practices long enough, to know that we were almost identical. None of us felt any reluctance to assume a custodial role and attitude with all five children when we needed to, and they accepted it naturally (Kathy and Kathy were much more practiced in this ability, but Ken and I could easily substitute for them when necessary).

There was nothing easier than visiting, or getting together with Kathy and Ken (with kids, or without kids). I can benchmark the early progression of our two family’s meetings through time, by the activities we shared as the children grew up: preschool (Kathy would drop Tony off at pre-school, and then Prisa into the same playpen as Kate and Andrea, until the girls were old enough to go); birthday parties at McDonald’s and Chucky Cheese, swim parties, barbecues, backyard camp-outs on Labor Days, and regular weekend visits at alternating homes; and finally, playing in AYSO soccer, girl’s softball, swim club, and a neighborhood children’s theatre. Even as the interests and friendships of our children began to separate and branch off in high school and college (Prisa and Kate’s involvement in high school athletics was the last mutual activity), we stayed in contact and met on a monthly basis. This happened because Kathy and Kathy made a conscious effort to maintain an active friendship, with regular opportunities for interaction that were casual, unpretentious, and easy. One or the other would just pick up the phone, call, and ask when they were available for dinner. No problem.

Five years have passed since my conversation with Kate and Andrea about the apocryphal origins of Christmas Adam. Apart from being an enjoyable part of the Christmas season, the evening has provided two additional benefits: it bonded our two families into a new extended family unit, with a shared sense of continuity; and it provides opportunities to screen and vet future family members.

The Christmas Adam tradition grew out of friendship. We have met for dinner, on December 23^rd, at the home of Ken and Kathy, for the last 25 years (give or take one or two). It began as a chance to get together before the onslaught of Christmas family obligations and commitments. This day was a relaxing pause before my own family’s party on Christmas Eve, and Kathy’s family’s party on Christmas day. Those two events always contained a certain degree of tension and drama. These parties included multiple families with large numbers of people, buffet dining, scheduled activities, and organized gift exchanges. None of this occurred on Christmas Adam. Originally we just got together so the kids could play and we could talk. Later, it became a seasonal opportunity to meet Kathy’s mother and her brother, when they visited. The format gradually evolved from a casual dinner, into an east coast style dinner party, with cocktails and hors d’houvers, and stimulating conversation. When still children, our sons and daughters were excused to play outside, or organize indoor performances, now they are sophisticated participants in the cocktails, dining, and conversation.

In the last five years, the day also provided a great opportunity to meet the “significant” boyfriends, girl friends, and fiancés of our children. On those occasions, we have acted as their extended family in Los Angeles. We became the aunt, uncle, and cousins whom their significant friends had to impress and win over. The same was true for our children. Prisa brought her boyfriend Joe in 2004, and Tony his girlfriend (and eventual fiancé) Jonaya for the first time in 2005. In many ways Joe and Jonaya ran a virtual gauntlet of yuletide family interviews in 2005; Christmas Adam with Kathy and Ken, Christmas Eve with my family, and Christmas day with Kathy’s family. The girlfriends and boyfriends of Marshall, Kate, and Andrea never had to deal with such a concentrated, sequence of inspections at Christmas. This is not to say that outsiders were subjected to severe questioning or hazing; they were not. However, we were very observant of how these special guests interacted, responded, and worked at fitting in with a family who had known each other for 27 years (since birth for the girls). We wanted to know what they were “bringing to the table” and watching their table manners.

This year the evening took on a double meaning when Ken and the children used the occasion to celebrate Kathy’s 60^th birthday. Maintaining the custom of not exchanging gifts on Christmas Adam, Ken and the kids arranged to surprise Kathy with the services of a professional chef to prepare and serve the hors d’hourves, dinner, and dessert. The chef was an elegant treat, and a fitting highlight to this annual event, and it allowed everyone to move from person to person, or group to group.

It is ironic that the sequential creation of Adam and Eve in Genesis is used as the rationale for Christmas Adam coming before Christmas Eve. The story is a foreshadowing of Joseph and Mary, the birth of Christ, and the promise of the Kingdom of God. It is about the creation of the first family (Adam and Eve, and their children Cain and Abel), from whom all families would follow. Ken and Kathy have nurtured an evening that models this message by merging their family with ours, and extending an invitation for others to join…on that special night.