Into the Mystic
Mar. 10th, 2019 12:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dedalus_1947We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won
As we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly
Into the mystic
And when the fog horn blows
I will be coming home, mmm mmm
And when the fog horn blows
I want to hear it
I don’t have to fear it.
(Into the Mystic: Van Morrison – 1970)
Last week I received an email from our nephew Brian Kirst, the son of Kathy’s oldest sister, filling me in on an ancestral journey he was taking in April to Ireland and Germany. Kathy had already told me of Brian’s interest in the family genealogy, and she had talked to him many times to verify ancestral locations of the Greaney and Cavanaugh families in Ireland. I’ve always been curious of the individuals in families who are bitten by the ancestral fever. It seems as if one person in every family takes on this intriguing but onerous task to trace their ancestors back through time. My friend John O’Riley is one of them. He has tracked down long lost family members in Illinois and Canada, and located birth records of ancestors in Ireland and Norway. It’s a field of study that has never really interested me personally, despite my BA and Masters in History. I’ve been more than happy accepting the apocryphal stories told by my mother and father, and aunts and uncles, about where our ancestors came from and where they lived. The most interesting tales were of a Sephardic Jewish connection, and tales that we were descendants of El Cid in Spain. Brian, it seemed, was not satisfied accepting fanciful stories or beliefs about his family’s antecedents without proof. So I became somewhat intrigued about his mission and his stated intentions for embarking on this “Ancestral Pilgrimage”, especially since his goals did not seem to match up with my earlier impressions of him.
Brian is the youngest in the globetrotting Kirst family of six siblings – three boys and three girls – all of whom are adults now. He was the mischievous one, with a boyish charm, an impish smile, and a ready wit. He’s outgoing and engaging, able to spin amusing tales all day and night, and never taking life too seriously. I would talk to him on family occasions and at celebrations, such as visits, holiday parties, graduations, and weddings. These interactions always tended to be too brief, though consistently enjoyable. The only time I spent an extended period in conversation with him was in 2009, when my daughter Prisa and I traveled to Washington DC to attend the first inauguration of President Barack Obama. We had arranged to stay at the DC condominium of Kathy’s sister, Mary Ellen, where her son Brian was then living. It turned out to be a marvelous, historical experience for us, but more importantly, it gave me a new awareness of, and a perspective on Brian that I never had before.
Brian was the perfect host from the moment he met us at Dulles Airport on an early Sunday morning in January, to the return trip 3 days later to see us off. He never stopped talking. He filled us in on his job, his siblings, his parents, and his plans for the future. The only times he wasn’t entertaining us was when Prisa and I went exploring the city on our own, or when he was working. On the day before the inauguration, during one of our excursions around the Capitol, I brought up a question that had always nagged me.“So”, I asked, “is Brian gay?”
Prisa just looked at me with an amused, 28-year old smile and replied, “What do you think?’
“I don’t know”, I replied. “I get the idea that everyone in the family thinks he is, but no one really discusses it”.
“Maybe that’s because there is nothing to discuss”, she said wisely, looking at me the way an adult peers at a child who has said something silly.
“Did you ever ask him?” I replied.
“I don’t have to”, she said. “Why don’t YOU ask him, if you are so curious?” She said this in a tone implying that there was nothing more to say on the topic. I left it at that, assuming it would never come up again.
Tuesday, January 20th was a glorious day for us. Despite our early morning departure to find a good spot on the National Mall to see the inauguration, and the long wait in the bitter cold, we were euphoric at having witnessed such a historic event. We shared our blissful mood with Brian when he returned from work that evening, and he brought out a bottle of wine and a cheese plate to celebrate the event. It was in the jubilant haze of this alcohol-fed comfort that I began asking him personal questions about his life, his friends, and his relationships. Finally, feeling sufficiently confident in his trust of my sincerity, I asked him the question Prisa had challenged me to mention.
“So, uuhh, Brian”, I stumbled, “can I ask you a personal question? Are you gay?”
Brian answered with a large beaming smile, and laughingly said, “Oh, Tony, you are too much, and very sweet for asking. Yes, I am gay”.
The admission opened a whole new level of conversation – one that was more open and trusting. I listened and learned more about Brian than ever before – his ups and downs through adolescents and adulthood, and his frustrations at seeking more creative outlets. As we prepared to go out to dinner for our final meal together, Prisa patted me on the arm and said, “You did good tonight, Dad”.
That conversation, and the evening I spent together with Prisa and Brian, took place 10 years ago, and Brian’s life has taken many twists and turns since then. So I was very interested in learning what this ancestral journey was really about, and why he was embarking on it. This is what he allowed me to share:
Ancestral Soul Pilgrimage
My intention in embarking on this pilgrimage to Ireland and Germany.
To reconnect with those ancestors who have gone before us.
I will be introducing my soul back to the land we come from, through ritual.
I will be honoring the burial sights of our ancestors. Praying and acknowledging their legacy.
I will be holding space for the witnessing of trauma that came before us and still holds us.
I will be tracing their steps that brought them through life. Making that visible.
Honor the ancestors that made it possible for life to get through.
I will be carrying photographs of loved ones who have passed and bringing them back home.
I will be writing to our ancestors with intent of activating vibrational energy of healing.
I will be holding space for the soul of our family to be apart of the experience.
To help free me from being cut off from my body and activate my full creative potential.
I will be photographing my experiences, following my intuition, led by our ancestors.
I will film my experiences, following my intuition, led by our ancestors.
I will be continuing my intuitive art work to allow creative connection through our ancestors.
I have chosen to embark on this journey after eleven years of witnessing how disconnected I have become to myself.
The eleven years of genealogy I have been researching has brought me to the following questions.
Who am I?
Where do I come from?
Where am I going?
These very important questions have plagued my mind for eleven years.
In many of those years I was living a life in a numbing, mindless and cut off state.
I had to get honest about patterns, habits and behaviors I was living daily.
I am not living fully.
I am not living connected to my body.
I am not living a creative life.
Through three years of deep soul work.
The answers live in connecting to our ancestral past.
The ancestors I had been researching, acknowledging and reconnecting with.
They were my new path back to myself.
Through their stories
Through their energy
Through their honor
I will be set free.
Lastly, my final intention. That the soul of our family gains healing, gains inspiration and makes space for living more fully.
Knowing that our ancestors are who we are, who we come from and who are guiding us toward the evolution of consciousness that is taking shape.
I carefully read over Brian’s hopes and intentions for this journey, and I discussed them with Kathy. I truly admired what he was planning to do in Ireland and Germany. I believe that journeys of self-discovery are crucial for personal and creative growth and maturity. The journey can be as simple as a walk through a park or forest, or as arduous as a trip through a distant country. The key is leaving ourselves behind, and being open to what we learn out about others and ourselves. As Joseph Campbell would say, we all must travel our own hero’s journey – our own quest for relevance and meaning in life. It reminded me that other members of the Greaney clan had also embarked on their own kind of journeys to places outside their comfort zones: Grace Parker’s (Jeff’s daughter) solitary travels through France and Europe last summer, comes first to mind. She kept a short, on-going blog of her adventures and her discoveries about herself. I hoped Brian would do likewise – keeping a written journal, or a photo-log of his travels, expressing his thoughts and reactions. His intentions resonated with me on many levels. In them he mentioned intuition, art, creativity, pilgrimage, questioning, and soul work. I believe that our lives are composed of many such journeys, most of which we are unaware. But the ones that relentlessly call us forth are the most significant, because we feel forced to follow them blindly – having faith in that inner call to venture forth. I trust that Brian will discover more than he ever intends to find, as he flies into the mystic.
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won
As we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly
Into the mystic
And when the fog horn blows
I will be coming home, mmm mmm
And when the fog horn blows
I want to hear it
I don’t have to fear it.
(Into the Mystic: Van Morrison – 1970)
Last week I received an email from our nephew Brian Kirst, the son of Kathy’s oldest sister, filling me in on an ancestral journey he was taking in April to Ireland and Germany. Kathy had already told me of Brian’s interest in the family genealogy, and she had talked to him many times to verify ancestral locations of the Greaney and Cavanaugh families in Ireland. I’ve always been curious of the individuals in families who are bitten by the ancestral fever. It seems as if one person in every family takes on this intriguing but onerous task to trace their ancestors back through time. My friend John O’Riley is one of them. He has tracked down long lost family members in Illinois and Canada, and located birth records of ancestors in Ireland and Norway. It’s a field of study that has never really interested me personally, despite my BA and Masters in History. I’ve been more than happy accepting the apocryphal stories told by my mother and father, and aunts and uncles, about where our ancestors came from and where they lived. The most interesting tales were of a Sephardic Jewish connection, and tales that we were descendants of El Cid in Spain. Brian, it seemed, was not satisfied accepting fanciful stories or beliefs about his family’s antecedents without proof. So I became somewhat intrigued about his mission and his stated intentions for embarking on this “Ancestral Pilgrimage”, especially since his goals did not seem to match up with my earlier impressions of him.
Brian is the youngest in the globetrotting Kirst family of six siblings – three boys and three girls – all of whom are adults now. He was the mischievous one, with a boyish charm, an impish smile, and a ready wit. He’s outgoing and engaging, able to spin amusing tales all day and night, and never taking life too seriously. I would talk to him on family occasions and at celebrations, such as visits, holiday parties, graduations, and weddings. These interactions always tended to be too brief, though consistently enjoyable. The only time I spent an extended period in conversation with him was in 2009, when my daughter Prisa and I traveled to Washington DC to attend the first inauguration of President Barack Obama. We had arranged to stay at the DC condominium of Kathy’s sister, Mary Ellen, where her son Brian was then living. It turned out to be a marvelous, historical experience for us, but more importantly, it gave me a new awareness of, and a perspective on Brian that I never had before.
Brian was the perfect host from the moment he met us at Dulles Airport on an early Sunday morning in January, to the return trip 3 days later to see us off. He never stopped talking. He filled us in on his job, his siblings, his parents, and his plans for the future. The only times he wasn’t entertaining us was when Prisa and I went exploring the city on our own, or when he was working. On the day before the inauguration, during one of our excursions around the Capitol, I brought up a question that had always nagged me.
Prisa just looked at me with an amused, 28-year old smile and replied, “What do you think?’
“I don’t know”, I replied. “I get the idea that everyone in the family thinks he is, but no one really discusses it”.
“Maybe that’s because there is nothing to discuss”, she said wisely, looking at me the way an adult peers at a child who has said something silly.
“Did you ever ask him?” I replied.
“I don’t have to”, she said. “Why don’t YOU ask him, if you are so curious?” She said this in a tone implying that there was nothing more to say on the topic. I left it at that, assuming it would never come up again.
Tuesday, January 20th was a glorious day for us. Despite our early morning departure to find a good spot on the National Mall to see the inauguration, and the long wait in the bitter cold, we were euphoric at having witnessed such a historic event. We shared our blissful mood with Brian when he returned from work that evening, and he brought out a bottle of wine and a cheese plate to celebrate the event. It was in the jubilant haze of this alcohol-fed comfort that I began asking him personal questions about his life, his friends, and his relationships. Finally, feeling sufficiently confident in his trust of my sincerity, I asked him the question Prisa had challenged me to mention.
“So, uuhh, Brian”, I stumbled, “can I ask you a personal question? Are you gay?”
Brian answered with a large beaming smile, and laughingly said, “Oh, Tony, you are too much, and very sweet for asking. Yes, I am gay”.
The admission opened a whole new level of conversation – one that was more open and trusting. I listened and learned more about Brian than ever before – his ups and downs through adolescents and adulthood, and his frustrations at seeking more creative outlets. As we prepared to go out to dinner for our final meal together, Prisa patted me on the arm and said, “You did good tonight, Dad”.
That conversation, and the evening I spent together with Prisa and Brian, took place 10 years ago, and Brian’s life has taken many twists and turns since then. So I was very interested in learning what this ancestral journey was really about, and why he was embarking on it. This is what he allowed me to share:
Ancestral Soul Pilgrimage
My intention in embarking on this pilgrimage to Ireland and Germany.
To reconnect with those ancestors who have gone before us.
I will be introducing my soul back to the land we come from, through ritual.
I will be honoring the burial sights of our ancestors. Praying and acknowledging their legacy.
I will be holding space for the witnessing of trauma that came before us and still holds us.
I will be tracing their steps that brought them through life. Making that visible.
Honor the ancestors that made it possible for life to get through.
I will be carrying photographs of loved ones who have passed and bringing them back home.
I will be writing to our ancestors with intent of activating vibrational energy of healing.
I will be holding space for the soul of our family to be apart of the experience.
To help free me from being cut off from my body and activate my full creative potential.
I will be photographing my experiences, following my intuition, led by our ancestors.
I will film my experiences, following my intuition, led by our ancestors.
I will be continuing my intuitive art work to allow creative connection through our ancestors.
I have chosen to embark on this journey after eleven years of witnessing how disconnected I have become to myself.
The eleven years of genealogy I have been researching has brought me to the following questions.
Who am I?
Where do I come from?
Where am I going?
These very important questions have plagued my mind for eleven years.
In many of those years I was living a life in a numbing, mindless and cut off state.
I had to get honest about patterns, habits and behaviors I was living daily.
I am not living fully.
I am not living connected to my body.
I am not living a creative life.
Through three years of deep soul work.
The answers live in connecting to our ancestral past.
The ancestors I had been researching, acknowledging and reconnecting with.
They were my new path back to myself.
Through their stories
Through their energy
Through their honor
I will be set free.
Lastly, my final intention. That the soul of our family gains healing, gains inspiration and makes space for living more fully.
Knowing that our ancestors are who we are, who we come from and who are guiding us toward the evolution of consciousness that is taking shape.
I carefully read over Brian’s hopes and intentions for this journey, and I discussed them with Kathy. I truly admired what he was planning to do in Ireland and Germany. I believe that journeys of self-discovery are crucial for personal and creative growth and maturity. The journey can be as simple as a walk through a park or forest, or as arduous as a trip through a distant country. The key is leaving ourselves behind, and being open to what we learn out about others and ourselves. As Joseph Campbell would say, we all must travel our own hero’s journey – our own quest for relevance and meaning in life. It reminded me that other members of the Greaney clan had also embarked on their own kind of journeys to places outside their comfort zones: Grace Parker’s (Jeff’s daughter) solitary travels through France and Europe last summer, comes first to mind. She kept a short, on-going blog of her adventures and her discoveries about herself. I hoped Brian would do likewise – keeping a written journal, or a photo-log of his travels, expressing his thoughts and reactions. His intentions resonated with me on many levels. In them he mentioned intuition, art, creativity, pilgrimage, questioning, and soul work. I believe that our lives are composed of many such journeys, most of which we are unaware. But the ones that relentlessly call us forth are the most significant, because we feel forced to follow them blindly – having faith in that inner call to venture forth. I trust that Brian will discover more than he ever intends to find, as he flies into the mystic.
