Beautiful Boy
Jan. 23rd, 2007 07:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dedalus_1947I cried the first time I heard John Lennon sing his lullaby, “Beautiful Boy (Darling Sean)”. I was driving home from Chatsworth, on Topanga Canyon Boulevard, on Father’s Day, in 1988. Tonito was 10 years old, at the time, and very much a child. I could feel my throat tighten, my face flush, and tears starting to moisten the sides of my eyes. Mists of bittersweet memories crept over my mind and thoughts. The song awakened tender images of moments spent with Tonito. I recalled teaching him to say his night prayers, as we knelt at the side of my bed. Showing him how to cross the street unattended, but taking his hand when he stepped onto the road. Reading him the Bene Gesserit “Litany Against Fear” from the science fiction novel, Dune, as a means of calming his worries and anxieties. It seemed that Lennon was describing my life and actions as Tonito’s daddy during those youthful, formative years. It struck me that my son was growing up too fast, and I feared there might come a time when he would not need me, anymore.
Tonito turned 29 this month. We took him to brunch on Sunday to celebrate his birthday. In the midst of the updating chitchat, he announced that he was going to find a new job with decent hours and fellowship, and going to propose to Jonaya. It took a few moments to register, but Prisa, Kathy, and I were completely stunned. Prisa recovered first by laughing at the irony of Tony taking the engagement burden off her and Joe. Kathy was next by asking clarifying questions to insure that she understood what Tony had said. I sat and listened, waiting and buying time to take stock of my feelings about this news, and comprehend it better.
So, there it is. Tonito is 29 and he intends to propose marriage sometime in April or May. A period of engagement will follow leading to marriage. He and Jonaya have already discussed it, so there will be no surprise when Tony pops the question. Kathy, of course, asked the essential questions: living arrangements, jobs, children, religion, etc. I just took it all in. I knew that Tonito and Jonaya were in love, but I had not thought the relationship was evolving to the point of commitments and marriage. With this announcement, Tonito had crossed the line between adulthood and maturity. He is now willing to become responsible for someone besides himself. He moves from a life of self-indulgence and distraction, to a life of sharing, planning, and compromise.
I still can’t describe my feelings about this. I know that I love Tonito and I want him to be happy. I know I will accept his decisions, and support them because of my love for him. I will always be on his side as he pursues happiness and fulfillment – even when he makes mistakes. He has introduced Jonaya into our expanded family, and everyone has accepted her. Now comes the love part. Now I will need to open myself to loving Jonaya as my son’s future wife, and mother to their children, my grandchildren.
It seems only a short time ago that I was looking at this long, bushy, black-haired infant through the glass partition of the maternity section of Saint Joseph’s Hospital. Twenty-nine years, those are many years to leap across in one brief second of memory. My beautiful boy is growing up and taking another step out on his own. Who knew! Is he ready for this? Who knows for sure? Were Kathy and I ready for marriage when she accepted my proposal? At least I’ve learned that marriage is a process, not a product. Tony and Jonaya will have to grow into their marriage and their lives together. I’m happy and scared for him. To propose marriage is a momentous step in his life. Why should I worry? He’s no longer a boy, he’s an adult. Nevertheless, I suppose, he’ll always be my beautiful boy, and I’ll always hope he still needs my advice or teaching. Were he to ask, I would tell him to be “patient, ‘cause it’s a long way to go, and a hard row to hoe”. I would especially want to tell him to always be aware of the wondrous moments and people who surround us, because life should not be “what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.
Beautiful Boy (Darling Sean)
By John Lennon
Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Sean
Tonito turned 29 this month. We took him to brunch on Sunday to celebrate his birthday. In the midst of the updating chitchat, he announced that he was going to find a new job with decent hours and fellowship, and going to propose to Jonaya. It took a few moments to register, but Prisa, Kathy, and I were completely stunned. Prisa recovered first by laughing at the irony of Tony taking the engagement burden off her and Joe. Kathy was next by asking clarifying questions to insure that she understood what Tony had said. I sat and listened, waiting and buying time to take stock of my feelings about this news, and comprehend it better.
So, there it is. Tonito is 29 and he intends to propose marriage sometime in April or May. A period of engagement will follow leading to marriage. He and Jonaya have already discussed it, so there will be no surprise when Tony pops the question. Kathy, of course, asked the essential questions: living arrangements, jobs, children, religion, etc. I just took it all in. I knew that Tonito and Jonaya were in love, but I had not thought the relationship was evolving to the point of commitments and marriage. With this announcement, Tonito had crossed the line between adulthood and maturity. He is now willing to become responsible for someone besides himself. He moves from a life of self-indulgence and distraction, to a life of sharing, planning, and compromise.
I still can’t describe my feelings about this. I know that I love Tonito and I want him to be happy. I know I will accept his decisions, and support them because of my love for him. I will always be on his side as he pursues happiness and fulfillment – even when he makes mistakes. He has introduced Jonaya into our expanded family, and everyone has accepted her. Now comes the love part. Now I will need to open myself to loving Jonaya as my son’s future wife, and mother to their children, my grandchildren.
It seems only a short time ago that I was looking at this long, bushy, black-haired infant through the glass partition of the maternity section of Saint Joseph’s Hospital. Twenty-nine years, those are many years to leap across in one brief second of memory. My beautiful boy is growing up and taking another step out on his own. Who knew! Is he ready for this? Who knows for sure? Were Kathy and I ready for marriage when she accepted my proposal? At least I’ve learned that marriage is a process, not a product. Tony and Jonaya will have to grow into their marriage and their lives together. I’m happy and scared for him. To propose marriage is a momentous step in his life. Why should I worry? He’s no longer a boy, he’s an adult. Nevertheless, I suppose, he’ll always be my beautiful boy, and I’ll always hope he still needs my advice or teaching. Were he to ask, I would tell him to be “patient, ‘cause it’s a long way to go, and a hard row to hoe”. I would especially want to tell him to always be aware of the wondrous moments and people who surround us, because life should not be “what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.
Beautiful Boy (Darling Sean)
By John Lennon
Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Sean
