Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters;
Never had to have a chaperone, no sir,
I’m there to keep my eye on her.
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing;
When a certain gentleman arrives from Rome,
She wore the dress, and I stayed home.
All kinds of weather, we stick together,
The same in the rain and sun;
Two different faces, but in tight places,
We think and act as one.
Those who’ve seen us
Know that not a thing could come between us;
Many men have tried to split us up, but no one can.
Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister,
And Lord help the sister, who comes between me and my man.
(Sisters, sisters: words & lyrics by Irving Berlin. Recorded by Rosemary
Clooney and Vera Ellen in movie, White Christmas: 1954)
“Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister?”
(Alice Walker)
This essay is really about nothing. It is not a newsworthy story, nor does it relate information of any significant importance. No philosophical theme or political treatise is presented; and no allegory or metaphor is imbedded in the tale. It’s just a story of seven sisters who came together for a day and a half at a beach house in July. In fact, everything that happened during the event conspired to keep it ordinary. There were no fights, arguments, or conflicts; and even the photographic record was remarkably innocent, as if censored by some benevolent, angelic guardian. The evening photos I took during the giggly, hot tub session were blurry, unfocused, and poorly lit, allowing no clear identification of face, body, or bathing suit. The only pictures that came out were bright and luminous portraits of women sitting, laughing, and posing for the camera. One would think that when seven ladies, between the ages of 46 and 64, came together to talk for 36 hours, something scandalous would occur. However, there was no material here for an Edward Albee play, like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? It seemed as though the one to two hour drive to Ventura from various locations in Los Angeles had allowed each of these experienced women to leave their jobs, husbands, children, and worries behind, and become open, carefree, and frivolous girls again. For two days, these 7 ladies would be only one thing – sisters.
A Sisters’ Reunion is a regular feature of the relationships that exist among the female siblings in Kathy’s family. For over 20 years, the girls would make an effort to meet at least 4 or 5 times a year (not counting official family parties, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter). These meeting took on extra significance after the death of Debbie, the second sibling, and Mary, their mother. The loss of these two central female figures in their lives, really illustrated the need for connection and communication between family members, and birthdays provided the best excuses to get together. A restaurant would be selected nearest the person, or persons, celebrating the event, and as many sisters as possible tried to attend. These occasions were usually single sex affairs, although a man (Greg or their father) would sometimes make a sneak appearance. Because of the all-girl nature of these parties, I’ve always been curious about what they did and the topics they discussed. Granted, I’d been present, and a participant, at many after-dinner, and after-party, discussions with Kathy’s siblings (see Over the Hill), but never at one of these official Sisters’ Reunions. They held a forbidden allure for me. So when Kathy asked me if I would mind if she invited her six sisters to the beach house we were renting in Ventura during our summer vacation, I said the idea sounded fine – as long as I was able to stay and help. She agreed to my conditions and the planning of the event began in earnest.
As I listened to Kathy and watched her logistical machinations, I gathered that three factors were driving the concept of hosting a party for Beth, the eighth of 10 siblings in her family. First, Mary Ellen (M.E.), the eldest sister, would be in town at the end of July, visiting their father. Her presence would serendipitously unite all 7 of the surviving sisters together at the same time, something that is difficult to do with M.E. living in Washington D.C. Second, Beth was turning 50 on July 31, and Kathy wanted to do something special for the occasion. A half century, five decades, is a significant benchmark that calls for a special celebration. However, Beth was in the middle of a hundred things in the month of July: teaching summer school at a Jesuit high school, finishing her Master’s research paper, organizing visits to and from her college, and post-college aged children who live throughout the state, and preparing for the start of the new school year in August. Kathy felt that a 50th birthday called for a unique location and a different agenda. A beach house would present an attractive destination, especially for sisters who spent their childhood summers on the beach in Capistrano. Lastly, the girls had never participated in an adult, over-night sleep-over that would allow them to be together, without the annoying distractions of time, travel, and other family obligations. An extended period of time together, would give them the chance to really explore and discuss issues, questions, and concerns that would not be mentioned in a restaurant. These were the three talking points that Kathy used when calling her sisters to gauge their interest, and then convincing them that this opportunity was simply too good to pass up. I couldn’t imagine how any of her sisters would turn her down - and they didn’t. Within a month’s time of the first phone call in May, all of the sisters were on board and committed to coming on July 29 for a day at the beach, dinner, and a slumber party.
Beth and Mary Ellen arrived just before noon, and joined us for lunch as they described their father’s health and driving habits at 89 years old. Then, as if in a rhythmically choreographed routine, one by one, the other “little girls” arrived: Tootie, then Meg, and finally Tere, the youngest. Soon after, Patty called to say that she was in route and not to wait on her account. When the sisters realized that, other than food and refreshments, there was no planned agenda or program to guide their actions for the day, they immediately reverted to “Capistrano Beach mode” and began differentiating their activities. Meg decided to go jogging, M.E. and Kathy wanted to sit by the ocean, and the rest went walking to the pier. My role was simple. I was the cook, photographer, and cabana boy for the event. In return for these efforts, I would be permitted to observe, listen, and, to some degree, record the activities of the next 36 hours. It was actually a lot of fun. I’ve watched these young women (M.E., Kathy, and Patty), and girls when I first met them (Meg, Beth, Tootie, and Tere), mature and grow up over the last 35 years. They are fun to be around. They all share many of the same qualities that cause me to BE in love with Kathy. Their intelligence, cleverness, empathy, and humor make for great company and a terrific band of sisters.
Eventually, everyone found themselves by the ocean, sitting on beach chairs, towels, or benches. People were reading, talking, or just staring off to sea. Slowly, singly or in pair, they made their way back to the beach house where cocktails and hors d’houvres awaited them on the patio. Over the course of the evening and the following morning, these seven sisters would talk, laugh, drink, eat, and talk some more. It wasn’t quite a marathon gab-fest, but it was close. I just listened, and occasionally took pictures. Listening to these sisters’ talk and laugh is like hearing an impromptu jazz performance by a seasoned septet, who had reunited for a special benefit show. They played the standard pieces about their father, mother, and brothers, and then they did some improvisation on their own. Each sister would take a solo riff and tell a short or long story, or reveal a long hidden insight. These were variations on old themes that now came from a new perspective, but they sounded different; a new twist, a new sound, a new detail. My being there was superfluous, but Prisa’s presence opened up talk about her upcoming wedding and reflections on their own ceremonies and marriages.
I’d considered writing a blog about the occasion, but wasn’t sure what it would be about. I could not come up with a unifying theme or incident that would give it meaning. I did not want to write an expose of some outrageous comment or revelation that was mentioned in the course of the reunion. I was there as a trusted brother-in-law, an uncle to their children, and a caring friend; I did not want to violate that confidence. Actually I couldn’t even if I wanted to – I wasn’t really paying attention to the facts and every detail being said. I was just sitting back and enjoying the whole experience. Yet one question haunted me during and after the celebration was over. How would I describe these ladies, whom I have seen going “from crayons to perfume?” Photos could easily provide an image of their physical appearance, but I wondered if an accurate characterization of these girls, now women, was really possible – or even advisable. These women are always evolving, and what they say at sibling reunions and get-togethers is always colored by a unique family filter that allows for large fluctuations of sentiment and emotion. These ladies use talk and confessions as a form of beneficial therapy (something like the “talking cure” that Freud described in his early writings). Verbalizing ones fears, insecurities, and embarrassments (real and imagined) liberates them, and gives them the opportunity to reflect about themselves and be empathetic to others. What they say, however, is not necessarily what they do, or who they are. Yet a silly idea did occur to me as I was making up titles for an imaginary blog about this reunion, and I googled the name Seven Sisters.
The popular use of the term Seven Sisters was first coined in 1927, as the name given to the 7 prestigious women’s colleges, Barnard, Smith, Mount Holyoke, Vassar, Bryn Mawr, Wellesley, and Radcliffe. These are the “sister” schools to the elite Ivy League men’s colleges. However, the name was originally a reference to the Greek myth of the Pleiades, the seven daughters of Atlas, the titan, and the sea-nymph Pleione. The daughters were collectively referred to as the Seven Sisters. The myth recounts the tale that one day the great hunter Orion saw the Pleiades as they were walking through the countryside and was smitten by their grace and beauty. He became so crazed with desire that he relentlessly pursued them for seven years, until Zeus finally intervened. Granting the prayers and petitions of the desperate siblings, he transformed them into 7 doves and placed them in the heavens – becoming the star cluster called The Pleiades in the constellation of Taurus. Later, when Orion was killed, Zeus also placed him in the night sky, but behind the Pleiades, thereby immortalizing (or mocking) his futile pursuit of them. The names of The Pleiades, or The Seven Sisters, were Maia, Electra, Taygete, Alcyone, Celaeno, Asterope, and Merope.
I was especially surprised when my google search also identified the Seven AND Eight Virtues in this category. The existence of an eighth virtue intrigued me because it allowed me to resolve a problem I had in drawing parallels with the Pleiades of myth and Kathy’s sisters. You see, there should have been eight sisters at this party to make it complete. If the indifferent hand of fate had not intervened 5 years ago, the missing place at the table would have been occupied by another sister. I wondered then, if perhaps, in the myriad of Greek and Roman myths, an alternate story of the daughters of Atlas and Pleione might not exist; one in which there was an eighth sister called Deborah. This daughter became lost one night when she foolishly wandered into the Labyrinth of Minos, and was not present when Orion came along and chased the other seven sisters into the heavens. In the world of mythology, this would explain why there are 8 Virtues, but only 7 Pleiades.
At the conclusion of the party, once the gaiety and celebration was over, and the sisters had taken their leave and departed the beach house, I took the liberty of matching Kathy’s sisters with their corresponding Pleiades name and its meaning. I then added the Virtue that might fit that particular sister, followed by my own italicized character trait for each one:
1. Mary Ellen (M.E.) – Maia: “grandmother, mother, nurse, the great one”. Kindness/Peace, Intelligence
* (Debbie – Deborah:“bee, or prophetess”, the lost Pleiades of mythology. Liberality/Generosity, Grace/Charm).
2. Kathy – Electra: “amber, shining, bright, to flow, running, as a liquid”. Humility/Modesty, Charisma
3. Patty – Taygete: “long-necked”. Chastity/Purity, Compassion
4. Meg – Alcyone or Halcyone: “queen who wards off evil (storms)”. Patience/Forbearance, Humor.
5. Beth – Celaeno: “swarthy”. Diligence/Effort, Persistence.
6. Tootie – Asterope or Sterope: “lightning, twinkling, sun-face, stubborn-face, star, stellar”. Temperance/Restraint, Independence.
7. Tere – Merope: “eloquent, bee-eater, mortal”. Justice/Righteousness, Competitiveness.
As I explained at the beginning of the essay, there is really nothing extraordinary about a reunion of siblings. In the early days of our youth, we simply had to state the wish to meet, and it would happen; we lived together, played together, and suffered together. Yet with the advancement of years, marriage, children and families, opportunities to do so became scarcer and scarcer, and we became more and more alienated from the unity we once experienced. Big family get-togethers at weddings, Christmas, or Easter don’t really allow sufficient time to question, talk, and bond; and we always seem too busy to arrange other occasions. Kathy’s party for Beth gave these seven sisters a chance to cohere for a moment, and to call forth that wondrous time of childhood, when siblings could imagine and make up how things SHOULD be. Watching them talk, laugh, and play reminded me of my own 5 siblings, whom I don’t see often enough, outside of Christmas Eve and special occasions. Perhaps the constancy of the Pleiades in the night sky is a reminder to us that sisters and brothers are always there, but we have to look up to see them.
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dedalus_1947
sisters
Date: 2008-08-12 07:34 pm (UTC)In my dreams, someday, the 7 remaining Greaney girls come back to Chicago, just like they did for my wedding, and we have a great day like these sisters had this year for Beth's 50th.
Or maybe in my dreams, it's all of them PLUS Christy, Alicia, Prisa, Brigid, Maria and all the other fabulous cousin-troupe that I married into. I'm kinda the link between these two groups but I don't fit properly into either ~ yet I get to be part of both groups anyway. Thanks for letting me in. Your blogs make me cry.
Pleiades
Date: 2009-04-16 09:24 pm (UTC)Tony Delgado, Tony Delgado!!!
TRH